To keep the lights on, we receive affiliate commissions via some of our links. Rankings remain impartial. Our review process.
Often heard is the term “separation anxiety” when used in reference to children and pets, but seldom do we ever hear about adults who suffer from this debilitating psychological condition.
Important Note: The data referenced throughout comes from the findings of research done by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine. They published a report in 2007 and this article was originally published shortly after. While most of the symptoms and treatments for anxiety in adults and children remain true to this day, some of the historical statistics in terms of demographics may be outdated.
- What Is Separation Anxiety?
- What Are The Symptoms Of Separation Anxiety In Children?
- What Are The Symptoms of Adult Separation Anxiety?
- How Does It Differ In Children And Adults?
- When Does Separation Anxiety Disorder Begin To Show In Adults?
- Men Versus Women
- Marital Status
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is most commonly recognized as a juvenile disorder in which children experience signs of anxiety when separated from their primary caregiver.
In more recent times however, adults have become increasingly diagnosed with adult separation anxiety. Adult separation anxiety is much the same as the disorder as that faced by children. However, the primary caregiver can be any major attachment figure in the adults’ life. Most often these attachment figures include spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings and or friends.
Children who experience separation anxiety during their juvenile years very often go on to live their adult lives anxiety free. Conversely children who do not experience separation anxiety during their childhood still have the potential to develop this disorder during their adult years.
According to the statistics, it is estimated that around 6.6 percent of the adult American population will experience adult separation anxiety during their lifetime – an amazing 20,207,408 adults. What seems strange when looking at these figures is comparing them to the rates of childhood separation anxiety. It is believed that only 4.1 percent of children within the American population will experience separation anxiety during their lifetime.
So in terms of the statistics, separation anxiety seems to be more common among American adults than it is among American children. It is believed that around 77 percent of adults suffering from adult separation anxiety experienced their first symptoms during adulthood.
What Are The Symptoms Of Separation Anxiety In Children?
Before taking a look at the symptoms of separation anxiety in adults, let us first look at the symptoms that appear in the more commonly studied manifestation of this disorder – children.
Children with separation anxiety may exhibit any of the following symptoms:
- Extreme distress when separated from their primary caregiver
- Reluctance to do anything that involves being apart from their primary caregiver
- Constant worry that something will happen to their primary caregiver
- Inability to go to sleep without the figure of attachment close by
- Physical complaints that would result in the child not having to separate from their primary caregiver
What Are The Symptoms of Adult Separation Anxiety?
The symptoms listed above that are often studied extensively in children are also commonly seen in adults with separation anxiety. Many times adults may label these feelings as mere generalized anxiety rather than being able to pinpoint them as being related to separation anxiety.
Some of the symptoms common in adults with separation anxiety include:
- Extreme fear or anxiety when asked to do things alone or be separated from their attachment figure
- Avoidance of being alone in any circumstance
- Fear that the one they are most attached to will leave them or be harmed in some way
How Does It Differ In Children And Adults?
Separation Anxiety In Children
The symptoms of separation anxiety in children and in adults may appear to be the same; however, there is quite a difference between the two. To begin with, these two manifestations of similar symptoms actually go by different names. Children who experience these symptoms are referred to as undergoing separation anxiety.
Separation anxiety is seen as a normal stage in the development of a healthy child, almost all children will go through this phase at around eight months old. Separation anxiety in children appears to increase in severity until around fifteen months of age at which point the symptoms begin to dwindle.
This video from the Parent Channel explains more and shows some examples of children with separation anxiety.
Separation Anxiety Disorder In Adults
Adults who experience the symptoms of separation anxiety are referred to as being affected by separation anxiety disorder; this is not a healthy phase in the development of the average human adult. Where for the child with separation anxiety, the disorder is something of a preserved behavior that enforces the bond between a child and its primary caregiver as is needed for survival; this is not the case in adults.
It is believed however, that the formation of adult separation anxiety disorder is growing in diagnosis as the importance of being in attached relationships during adulthood is increasingly emphasized.
When Does Separation Anxiety Disorder Begin To Show In Adults?
Current studies have found that specific age ranges seem to be more prevalent for the onset of adult separation anxiety disorder. Adults that experience this disorder are most often between the ages of thirty and forty-four. The second most common age group for diagnosis of adult separation anxiety disorder is adults between the ages of eighteen and twenty-nine.
Adults aged forty-five to fifty-nine years old are less likely than their younger peers to experience this debilitating disorder. Finally, diagnosis of adult separation anxiety disorder in adults aged sixty and over is relatively uncommon in comparison to other adult age groups.
Men Versus Women
Research has found that significantly more women than men suffer from adult separation anxiety disorder. While more women than men suffer from this disorder, it has been found that more men are likely to have their first onset of separation anxiety during adulthood.
It has also been found that separation anxiety, whether juvenile or adult in nature tends to run in families. The majority of children who experienced the disorder in childhood had one parent who suffered from the adult variation of the same disorder.
Interesting research has also been conducted to analyze the marital status of those who suffer from separation anxiety. It has been found that those who suffer from any type of separation anxiety disorder are less likely to be married than those who have not experienced this disorder. Researchers believe that this indicates a correlation between childhood separation anxiety and bachelorhood or spinsterhood.
For those who have experienced some type of separation anxiety and still go on to marry, research suggests that their marriage will be an unstable one. According to the data discovered so far, individuals who are separated, widowed or divorced are most likely to suffer from adult separation anxiety disorder or ASAD.
The second most common relationship status among those who have ASAD IS to never have married. The least common relationship status found in those with ASAD is married or cohabiting with their partner.
Researchers have been analyzing many factors when it comes to how they play into adult separation anxiety disorder. In addition to sex and marital status, education level has also been shown to play a significant role in the lack of diagnosis of this disorder.
Those with the least formal education (measured as 0 to 11 years of education) appear to be the most likely to have this separation disorder. Those with 12 years of education rank as the second most likely to have ASAD. Those with 13 to 15 years of education are significantly less likely to display with this disorder and those with 16+ years of formal education are least likely to have ASAD.
Because of the very nature of adult separation anxiety disorder, employment is another area of life that intrigues researchers of this disorder. Unfortunately, this research is often the case of the chicken before the egg or the egg before the chicken, it is not known whether employment status is caused by the ASAD or whether the ASAD was caused by the employment status.
In either case, the employment findings are as follows: the majority of individuals diagnosed with ASAD are unemployed or are working in non-traditional employment opportunities. The second most likely employment status for those with ASAD is being employed, the third is working as a homemaker and the least likely employment statuses are retired and working as a student.
Diagnosing Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder
A diagnosis of adult separation anxiety disorder can be difficult to make since it is a relatively new category of anxiety disorder. For the purpose of diagnosing this disorder in adults, mental health professionals turn to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) utilized by the mental health community does not currently have a specific set of criteria for the adult version of separation anxiety disorder and as a result they turn to the diagnosis criteria for separation anxiety disorder instead.
The diagnostic criteria for separation anxiety disorder as per the Diagnostic and Statistical manual IV TR is as follows:
A. Developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from home or from those to whom the individual is attached, as evidenced by three (or more) of the following:
- Recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
- Persistent and excessive worry about losing, or about possible harm befalling, major attachment figures
- Persistent and excessive worry that an untoward event will lead to separation from a major attachment figure (e.g., getting lost or being kidnapped)
- Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to school or elsewhere because of fear of separation
- Persistently and excessively fearful or reluctant to be alone or without major attachment figures at home or without significant adults in other settings
- Persistent reluctance or refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure or to sleep away from home
- Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation
- Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomach aches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
B. The duration of the disturbance is at least 4 weeks
C. The onset is before age 18 years
D. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, academic (occupational), or other important areas of functioning
E. The disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Schizophrenia, or other Psychotic Disorder and, in adolescents and adults, is not better accounted for by Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia
Referenced from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association
What Is Life Like For An Adult With Separation Anxiety Disorder?
Describing life as an adult with adult separation anxiety disorder can be particularly difficult because of the extent of emotion that these individuals undergo. Not only does this disorder devastate the lives of those who have been diagnosed, but it also tears apart their relationships and takes a toll on the lives of those around them as well.
Someone suffering from ASAD lives their life on edge, constantly worrying about being alone and losing the one that they love. As nightmares take over an inability or unwillingness to sleep in combination with general anxiety will lead to exhaustion which in turn leads to a lack of functioning.
Individuals with ASAD feel trapped and often feel as though they are unable to do something, anything, until they have reconnected with their figure of attachment. Living with ASAD is exhausting and draining and often these individuals feel helpless as well as overwhelmed with their own level of being needy.
What’s It Like Living With An Adult That Suffers?
Being the loved one of someone with adult separation anxiety disorder can be just as exhausting as being the individual with the disorder. There is a constant demand for your attention that cannot be calmed or satisfied and often times it will feel as though there is no escape. Even the shortest respite from the clinginess of a loved one with ASAD will be interrupted by vies for your attention through text messages and phone calls.
Unfortunately, living with and loving someone with adult separation anxiety can be so taxing that relationships soon begin to break down. It is important for every relationship in which one or both persons have a diagnosis of ASAD that each person have their own support system.
Support systems should always include a licensed professional who is able to work with the individual with ASAD to develop coping tools to reduce their burden upon their loved one. It is also important for each person in the relationship to have their own support system of family and friends.
Not Always A Solo Diagnosis
Those individuals diagnosed with adult separation anxiety disorder more often than not also present with a second psychological disorder or at least a cluster of symptoms that fit the diagnostic criteria for a second disorder. Most common among those with ASAD are mood disorders and anxiety disorders.
It is also believed that individuals with a diagnosis of ASAD are three times more likely than those without the disorder to become addicted to illegal drugs. These individuals are also five times more likely than those without ASAD to have an anxiety disorder and four times more likely to have a mood disorder. One of the biggest questions to date in the psychiatric community in regards to the diagnosis of ASAD is whether or not the varying other psychological disorders often seen with ASAD precede or follow the ASAD diagnosis.
How Is Adult Separation Anxiety Treated?
Unfortunately for those who have been diagnosed with adult separation anxiety and for those living with those diagnosed, there have been no treatments targeted towards ASAD. Since adult separation anxiety is a relatively new diagnosis in the psychological community, not enough research has been conducted in reference to treating the adult variety of this anxiety disorder.
Simply because there is not a specific “cure” for those with ASAD however, does not mean that there are not options. It is imperative for those with a diagnosis of ASAD to first get themselves a psychologist in addition to psychiatrist in order to help themselves find a way of coping with this disorder.
How Can A Psychologist Help With Treatment?
Where psychologists do not focus their attention on the prescription of medications to treat symptoms, they do focus on teaching coping skills. Coping skills are one of the biggest components in being able to build a functional life with healthy relationships despite an ASAD diagnosis. Therapy with a psychologist will allow those with ASAD to learn how to cope with their feelings and how to break free from unhealthy habits that make others feel overwhelmed.
How Can A Psychiatrist Help?
Where psychologists are unable to prescribe medications to help those with ASAD to manage their symptoms, psychiatrists do have that ability. While there are no drugs at the moment designed to target separation anxiety in adults, there are many generalized anxiety medications that are designed to help individuals cope with their high anxiety levels.
What Is the Future Of Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder?
With more people in the medical community recognizing adult separation anxiety disorder the future of treatment for this disorder looks bright. It is the hope of the ASAD community that as research into this disabling condition continues a better understanding will lead to the development of more targeted treatment plans.
Until such a day comes however, the best that the psychological community can offer is combination treatment plans. The current “best treatment” offered to those diagnosed with ASAD is the same treatment plan being offered to those with generalized anxiety disorders. A combination of talk therapy and medication therapy is the most utilized answer to ASAD at the moment.
Talk therapy gives those diagnosed the ability to discover why they have such difficulty with attachment and how they can correct their behavioral and thought patterns. Medication therapy gives those diagnosed with ASAD the ability to overcome some of their most crippling symptoms to try and make those bigger changes suggested through talk therapy. All in all the future of ASAD therapy looks bright, but for now, patients must make do with a generalized treatment.
In any case, we encourage anyone who is suffering from ASAD to seek treatment to help them on the path to recovery.
Learn more about human psychology and mental health conditions including dissociative personality disorder and addictive personality disorder.
Do you or someone you know suffer from separation anxiety?Tagged With:
I’m a 42 year woman and I think I have ASAD I NEVER FEEL THIS WAY Before it hard for me I don’t understand why I feel like this.Im a full time student and I can even focus on my school work my mind is all over the place.My 17 year old daughter when to visit a friend out of state and never came back home. If just me and my boyfriend living together in a state where I have no friends and no family. And he keeps leaving my to go back to the state we moved from. I’m all messed up on the head I don’t know what to do. GOD PLEASE HELP ME IM HURTING INSIDE….
As a little girl I lived with my mom & my grandparents until the day I was 6 years old, my mom & I moved away. Every summer & Christmas break I would spend with my grandparents. When time came & was over i had to go back home. I remember crying all the way home that I didn’t want to leave my grandparents. I cried my little heart out every single time. As I got older & left moms house I was fine. Here I am 35 years old married 3 years been together 13 years. Just recently my husband had to travel for work, was gone a week. I cried & cried, I missed him so much. Even though we would talk on phone or text it just wasn’t helping. I hate the fact that I am like is. It makes me feel stupid. Like I cannot face the world on my own.
My boyfriend has separation anxiety when he is away from me what can I do to help him
I’m a 21 year old female who is coming to realize how prevalent separation anxiety was in my childhood, and how it’s making a comeback in my adulthood in my romantic relationships. My parents divorced before the age of 4, and my brother and I lived with our mother, while going to visit our father every other weekend. As I grew up, the experience at each house was highly contrasted: at home (aka my mother’s house), I felt cared for, loved, and protected by my mother. At my dad’s house, we were often physically and emotionally abandoned. I can recall times as a child, starting at age 5-6, when I would wake up in the middle night to check on my mother — to make sure she was safe, in her bed, and still breathing. (Side note: No wonder I couldn’t watch Bambi or Fox and the Hound as a child — the mothers die in the very beginning!) I can recall everything from waking up to walk down the hallway to crack open her bedroom door and listen for her breathing, all the way to walking up to her side of the bed and saying in a quiet voice, “Mom?” I needed the reassurance that she was actually there.
Then one night, my greatest fears suddenly became confirmed: she wasn’t in her bed. It must have been 3:00-4:00 AM, and I had opened her door after seeing the light on to discover that her bed was empty. I went through the house, looking for her, and thankfully had the intuition to open the front door. Fortunately, from that vantage point, I could see her standing in our driveway under the streetlight, probably watching a meteor shower. I went out to her and hugged her, my panic finally subsiding.
In addition to this, I was extremely attached to a stuffed animal she gave me when I was around this age. I can recall one instance of actually sleepwalking because I had left it in another room before going to bed and I couldn’t sleep through the night without it. I also had devised a scheme in the evenings when she would make her rounds to say goodnight to my brother and I: if she said goodnight to him in his bedroom first, when she came to say goodnight to me in mine, I could have her there for as long as I wanted, since she did not have another child to say goodnight to. It was a very selfish, needy scheme, I must admit.
Prior to the third grade, my parents decided to switch custody up on me one summer — I guess they thought it’d be good for me — emotionally or intellectually, I do not know. Lo and behold, it was not. Now that I was living at my dad’s house for the majority of the time and only seeing my mother every other weekend, this devastated me. I can vividly remember missing my mom day in and day out, counting down the days I could see her, struggling to leave her to return to my dad’s, feeling the most excitement and anticipation I had all summer when she once came to visit me (my dad’s house was only 45 minutes away!), and treasuring little cards and presents she gave me whenever I would visit. Little did I know, my subconscious mind was in a constant state of obsessing over when I would be reunited with her.
As I got older, my separation anxiety was further strengthened by the fact that my mom had a chronic autoimmune disease that would spontaneously land her in the hospital for a week at a time at least once a year, weak, dehydrated, and having lost a lot of blood. Again, another vivid instance occurred when I must have been in the third grade, when my mom was sick again. I was about to leave for school one morning and was going to say goodbye to her. I can remember standing in her bedroom doorway, peering in to see a mass of blankets, which my naive, child mind thought was her sleeping body, and suddenly being told my stepdad, who was leaving the bedroom, in the most matter of fact way that she had been hospitalized over night. I was devastated that this had happened completely under my nose, and yet again, my fears were confirmed: she was gone.
Eventually, into my teens, my separation anxiety involving my mother subsided. Perhaps it came with gaining maturity and craving independence, but I wasn’t really preoccupied with the same anxieties anymore. Now, as a young adult who’s been away at college for three years, I feel that enough time has passed to confirm that my mother is a stable figure in my life who isn’t going anywhere. I don’t think I’ve felt compelled to “check on” her for at least a dozen years now. Sure, I worry about her from time to time, but I don’t obsess over the next time I will see her, I don’t miss her profusely, etc.
Unfortunately, in recent years I think this separation anxiety has been redirected to my significant others, of which I have had two. Involving the first, I can remember one summer in high school when we both took very big trips with our families, and we were literally a couple thousand miles apart, when we were used to living half a mile down the road from each other. I needed to check in with her often, counting down the days until we’d be reunited, fearing that the worst would happen to her on a cruise ship out in the Caribbean, while I traveled in a car through the American Southwest. On the day we would be reunited, I recall fearing that something would prevent it: a hurricane at home, a blown tire, even a summertime storm cropping up on my side of the country was enough to send me into a spell of terror, fearful that I would never make it back to her.
Involving my second significant other, we were just a few months into being together when I took a two week service trip to Puerto Rico, and again found myself a thousand miles from my partner. I needed to call him every night, counting down the days until we would be reunited, and fearing on the three hour plane ride home that something was going to prevent me from seeing him again. Later in our relationship, I began to realize just how much I struggled with saying goodbye to him: the act of him leaving me, whether we had spent a few hours or a whole day together, was devastating. I would attempt to stall, whether that be through further conversation, tears, or holding onto him, and finally, when I could keep him with me no longer, I would kiss him like it was the last time I would see him, every time. I felt sure that some kind of irreversible harm was going to come to him between then and the next time we’d see each other, even though we only lived 45 minutes apart.
I wish I could recall a greater number of instances of separation anxiety manifesting in my romantic relationships, but it may take another 15 years for things to become as crystal clear as they did involving the separation anxiety in my childhood. Clearly it’s not something I have moved past, but I intend to work on it with my therapist. If you’ve made it this far through my novel, thanks for reading and I wish you luck!
Hey everyone, it’s safe to say that this article has answered a lot of questions. I have not been diagnosed, but I feel a strong connection to many of the symptoms.
I’m a 17 year old college student who 6 months ago got together with the woman of my dreams. Although there are a lot of things she isn’t happy with regarding herself, I still see her as perfect. Lately, whenever she leaves to go home or when I have to head back home, I almost always break down into tears. Mostly because of the fact that I won’t be sleeping by her side that night, but also maybe because it might allow me to stay with her. As selfish as it sounds, I have done it many times so that she will ask if I want to stay over. I try my hardest to keep the emotions inside, but sometimes they get the better of me. Sometimes it’s impossible to stay strong, and I fear that one day she will get tired of it and leave me. I don’t want to lose her, she means too much to me.
I am a 34 YO male with generalized anxiety disorder, and I feel that I am a needy spouse who loves his wife to death but constantly demands her full attention. I have been married to her for almost two years, and we also have a 3 month old baby boy. Both my wife and my son are going away overseas for 4 months to visit her parents whom she hasn’t seen in almost 5 years. I understand that she has to do this, but I feel really sad thinking about how she will be away from me for 4 long months. I am crying and feeling down, while helping her arrange her trip. I really dont want her to go. I cant stay away from her for even a few hours. She is my everything and the thought of being without her for that long or for any period of time is just frightening. I fear for her safety. She is saying that me crying and being sad is making difficult for her to go, and she has even said that if I dont want her to go, she wont go. However, it will be unfair to her, so I have to be patient and let her go. I am worried about how I will communicate with her with the 10 hours time difference really bothering me. I dont go out with friends or do any activities. I dont want to either. I just want to be with my wife at all times and I do not know how I will handle myself when she goes.
My seperation anxiety is ruining my life. In my case it’s focussed on my family; mostly my parents.
I’m 35 years old and have been living with my sister for about 4 years. Who has had the same problem, which is why I came to live with her to begin with; she couldn’t be alone.
Now she’s “cured” of it, thanks to me helping her and she thinks it’s time for me to move on; she wants her house to herself.
The idea of having my own place terrifies me. Panic attacks, not being able to stop thinking about it, despair.
It has only recently been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Step one is switching medication. My current ones don’t seem to work efficiently.
Step two is therapy, cognitive behavioural.
Rationally I absolutely know that all the fears and worries are ridiculous. But somehow I cannot control it. I can’t win yet.
What’s difficult is that no one understands. And I have never met anyone who even remotely understands from own experience.
Which makes me feel very lonely and stupid.
Should anyone on here recognise it somewhat, when it comes to struggling to live alone, I would very much like to hear it.
Hi my name is mick iam 60 years old been eitj my girlfriend 28years when she goes away even for a few days i hate it cant stand being on my own i get panic attacks so bad but the funny thing is we don’t even get on that well it’s just being by myself i hate it don’t get me wrong Iam not scared of anyone or anything iam no wimp i find this embarrassing
I’m 23 and after attending college successfully for 3 years I had to take a leave of absence my senior year due to anxiety/depression. I managed to finish up my last year and now I am supposed to leave for grad school next week. Ever since that initial leave of absence 2 years ago I’ve had a very hard time with the idea of leaving home.
I’ve been crying a lot, not eating, had my medication upped, etc. I only just realized this is likely separation anxiety from my parents, especially my mom. I do see a psychiatrist but as I have less than a week left does anyone have any coping skills they can suggest once I’m alone in my studio apartment without my parents?
Tl;dr: my anxiety/separation anxiety as I prepare to leave for grad school next week has gotten bad enough that my parents and I are considering having me withdraw totally from school. In desperate need of coping skill suggestions other than positive affirmations.
this article explained so much to me about why I feel like I do when my boyfriend talks about leaving to go out of town. I thought I was crazy and irrational. Just last night we got into a fight about it because I couldn’t really explain to him why I feel so panicky when he talks about leaving. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one with these feelings. But I’m afraid if I don’t get help on learning how to cope with the anxiety that it might destroy my relationship.
Is it normal to have seperation anxiety from not seeing my boyfriend for almost a month?we are both currently 21 y.o. I have not been ‘diagnosed’ but I feel like I have ASAD for him.
I am a 61 year old male and after reading all the great info and posts on this site I am wondering if I am suffering from separation anxiety? My fianc?? (20 yrs together)
moved 700 miles away to pursue a job opportunity. I must remain at my current location for 19 months, to which 8 have past. We now typically see each other after approximately 2 weeks. I’ve been feeling sad, depressed, anxious from the beginning and am about the same now. I even feel the same when we are together with the anticipation that she will leave. I have much trouble sleeping and have obsessive thoughts most of the time. Oddly enough, in the evening I start to feel relieve. But in the morning when I awake it’s the worst. My doctor prescribed an antidepressant but it did not seem to work. I am in the process of discontinuing them, under the advice of the Dr. I’ve experienced this same effect when I got divorced long time ago.
After all that my question is, am I a victim of separation disorder or am I just lonely? I was told that I am experiencing situational depression. I also have issues with what I call unfinished business. In other words when things are in the state of limbo, which I feel my current situation is in.
Please help me understand where I am and what I am facing
Thanks all for reading this!!!
I remember feeling something similar when my fianc?? pursued an internship opportunity in a town 3 hours away. I have anxiety when I drive, so I couldn’t go visit him, and he would only come home on the weekends. This went on for a whole summer and it was awful. I don’t think you have ASAD, I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. You are obviously not pleased with being parted from your significant other and who would be? It’s not easy. However, I think you’re doing great. Since you’ve posted, another month has elapsed and soon you will be together again. My advice to you is to get some essential oils and use them, especially something calming like lavender and lemon. Amino acids are also great; you may consider seeking out a specialist in this area for some natural relief. Make plans for immediately after your beloved leaves so that you can get your mind off of her departure. Try not to borrow tomorrow’s trouble if you can help it. Warm baths and tea are good, too. I like piano jazz for relaxing when I feel anxious. Also, a reward system is good! If you love chocolate, treat yourself in the evening to reward yourself for getting through the day. All my warm thoughts to you.
Separation Anxioty in Adults I believe from personal experience stemming from loosing all my elders I knew and finding myself standing now being the elder for the younger ones in my family. I myself grew up with large family. Parents, 4 grandparents, 24 Aunts and Uncles etc. Not to mention Fur babies dying too, mine and family pets I was as close to as my own. I found myself emotionally spinning and couldn’t figure out why. I lost my dad 19 months ago, grandparents gone, and down to 8 aunts and uncles. Now my mom has cancer. While meditating I realized I was having separation anxiety. I feel grounded now, not spinning out of control since I realized what I’m feeling. I believe it’s normal even for us adults to have anxiety over loosing our elders, parents, no matter how old we are. If your bonded, connected, it’s normal. I believe like many things, theirs different ranges from normal/healthy to extreme/unhealthy. Normal stage is part of the grieving process, extreme is more then that. My brother states to me and my mom when she dies, he’s going too. Another reason for my anxioty. Support groups help for all stages. I believe I’m in the healthy range and my brother in the extreme range. No he won’t accept it and get help. I’m glad is being acknowledged as not only for children. Military families experience this every time their loved one is shipped out.
I have had this disorder since I was five years old and just found out I am not alone. I found a doctor who diagnosed me with a general anxiety disorder that is focused on social interaction and she prescribed me an antidepressant. Luckily for me, seeing a doctor along with the help from a few loving friends and family members gave me the strength to develop coping skills so I don’t panic constantly. I still have some trouble when separated from my husband for more than a few hours, but I can confirm that it is treatable.
Kay, sorry to hear but glad to know it’s treatable and that you have found a way to cope with your anxiety! Thanks for sharing and hope you continue to find strength and comfort in your life!
When I was a kid I was always afraid that I’ll lose my mom. I grew so close to her since my father started traveling for studies. I remember that at night I’ll watch her breathing, and I’ll sleep at her feet worrying about her.
And now I’m grown up in my 20s and every time I travel or someone I’m attached to travels away I tend to cry a lot. I had friends leave me which flipped my personality around. I became less trusting with people and there is a part in my mind that is always doubting.
I really don’t know what to do. I wouldn’t trust any psychiatrist easily so I just try to cope.
I am 57 and have just realized I have this disorder. I lost my father at 11 and even before that I would not sleep away from home. My mom even had to sleep in the bed with me. It has only gotten worse as an adult. My son and his family moved away almost two years ago and each time I am visiting them I struggle dreading the pain I suffer when I leave them. My husband and I spent a month with them and I was miserable. I believe it has to do with this separation anxiety. I do not spend much time alone. Run from that. Suggestions of what to do. I really desire for this to change. Tired of being miserable.
Jane, so sorry to hear you are miserable! We recommend you speak to a professional who can help you find ways to cope with (and hopefully overcome) this disorder. You should also look for local support groups in your area that can be a healthy healing place to talk to other people who are experiencing similar feelings. Hope you get to feeling better soon!
Is it normal to have separation anxiety from a child?
Sasha, absolutely normal, especially if it’s your own child!
After reading this …seems to be true, me and my fiance have been together for a year and half and just recently he switch jobs from a day job to other job which is overnights. I’m used to having that comfort of sleeping next to him. I never went out a day with out it until now. I can cat nap during the day with out a issue but when it comes to night time by myself it’s unbearable. It’s a lot easier said then done getting over my Separation Anxiety and night time anxiety. I used to listen to his heart beat to put me to sleep or cuddle up watch a movie and pass out but I can’t. After two weeks at his new job he can probably get 1st shift which I would like a lot better but it’s all up to him. I know he is providing for our future. I have a difficult time adjusting to change and when a routine schedule gets all new again I’ve been to counseling in the past…doesn’t seem to help. I was doing fine until this big new thing. It’s difficult being alone during the night more then the day. I work days so I need sleep, but when I’m up all night now it’s difficult. It’s only been so far 2 night he’s been on the job. I just don’t think I can adjust to the fact he at work when it was our sleep time together. I keep remaining positive that nothing bad it going to happen. I don’t really live in a crappy neighborhood either. Well I have been living the same aptartment for 5 years. And during those 5 yrs I had a some break in attempts just can’t afford to move out. And before a lot of stuff happened to me as a child during night. Personal stuff. So when I’m without comfort I tend to dwell and cry because I hate being alone sleeping at night. I know it isn’t his fault and that he will come back in the morning after work, it’s just my own personal issue of night time anxenity and being not with him. I have the whole entire day with him after i get home from work and him waking up the evening dinner then once 11pm hits to 730 it’s a long time . I suppose the night would go quicker if I’m sleeping just can’t anymore. How to cope with the change for now? When your spouse works a difficult work week then I do and what I was use to.
Wow I could have wrote this myself. I struggle to get any sleep and often wake up very tired when my husband is not with me. He’s a truck driver and I only get to sleep with him 6 nights a month. When he’s home, his loud obnoxious snoring doesn’t even bother me anymore. It is actually comforting and puts me to sleep because I know he’s there. I’m laying here right now missing my husband like crazy.
I’m reaching out… I’m really going through a really really rough time now and I’m feeling extreme loneliness. I have had seperation anxiety for a long time but never sought any treatment or help. NO one around me knows except for my wife. In a few days, my wife will be leaving for a one week work trip to a country 20 hours flight away. An entirely different timezone on the other side of the globe. The thought of her being so far, and the thought that we can barely keep in contact (she’s asleep when I’m up, and up and when it’s my bedtime) scares me.
I know it’s irrational. It’s only 7 days and she’ll be back. But all those thoughts of harm and safety issues, not being there beside her to protect her, and me being alone in the house and not being able to tell anyone what i’m going thru (no one will understand) is making me lose it.
I go through this everytime she leaves the country – even for a day. I’m totally fine as long as she’s at home with me. Totally fine when she’s at work. I know she’s a short few minutes drive.
Expectedly, this is driving her nuts…. And I’m going nuts and almost cannot hold it together at work simply knowing that in 3 days, she’ll be on a plane for 20 hours – with no possibility of contact with her… And then for the next 7 days after that, she’ll be so far away.
I’m not sure how to cope next week…
I’m Cy 25 years old from Philippines and I have been observing myself before I read this article and after reading this I finally figured out why I’m having nightmares when I am sleeping alone. I was in a 3 year relationship and we just broke few months ago and before we broke up I was scared of being alone so what I did was I dated the girl that I am dating right now because my nightmares are getting worst, I cant sleep at night or the maximum hours of sleep that I get is less than 4 hours when I sleep alone, I always have nightmares…I don’t know what to do, not sure with who to seek, please help me.
Cyrel, so sorry to hear you are experiencing trouble sleeping due to your break up! I would see if you can find a doctor or physiologist in your area in the Philippines who can help diagnosis your sleeping problem and prescribe some solutions for you. There are other natural remedies to help you sleep at night including taking non-addictive melatonin and putting lavender scented spray or oils on your pillow at night also helps. Good luck and best wishes to you in your path to happiness!
I am a stay at home mother of 4, the 3 older ones have moved out and it’s just the youngest at home. I have found myself wanting to spend every minute I can with him. So afraid of the empty nest syndrome. I turned down good job because I wouldn’t be home with my son after school. I also find myself latching onto my husband when my son is not home. The anxiety when either leaves is overwhelming. I did not have any of these feeling with my other 3…What can I do to relieve the anxiety?
As a kid going to school was hard for me. i would cry and go see the nurse so I could go home every day… then it was because I wanted to be close to my mother. I remember feeling my heart race and my stomach turn…loss of appetite, and a foggy mind set. All the same feelings I feel today (I’m 26) when my fiance fight or when I leave home on vacation… I can barely handle three days gone. When I was 22 My parents disowned me for being Gay. I was a mess…I found a love that I stuck too … but when he cheated on me (24).. I barely held it together.. the pain hurt soooo much … every morning i would run to the toilet and dry heave for what seemed like for ever…heart beating out of my chest. I went from being 200lbs to 175 in three weeks. Now I have a fiance and I’m afraid to let him go … I can tell its super stressful for him too ….I just don’t want to lose him and it brings me to tears just thinking about it. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore … if I don’t get a hold of my emotions I feel like I’m going to lose everything….
I think I still suffer from this, it must have been somewhere in my childhood, it’s very heartbreaking on my end to see people leave, but I’ve dealt with impermanence my whole life, so the topic of marriage or love is something I can’t really handle and evade most of the time. I really hope someday I will get past my fears.
I wonder if a couple each with ASAD are more helpful and able to help meet each other’s needs?
For me, it’s extremely helpful having the 2 of us suffer ASAD together!! I feel blessed to have met someone so similar to myself.
Andrew, so glad to hear you have someone who can help you with the grieving process! Best wishes to you both!
Chances of that are really low. And I think it might make things worse. Meanwhile, it’s tough enough to even know anyone who understands who it feels like and won’t say things like “can’t you just stop feeling this way?”
It’s funny how when my wife is a way, the entire week feels like eternity… And I have no idea on how to find a cooing mechanism. I’m.literally going nuts and she hasn’t even boarded her flight yet…
I’m 58 and have had this disorder for many many years, recently I have noticed a sheer panic at the thought of my partner not coming home or going out with friends I have no idea why but it festers and I stay awake all night long. I try very hard not to let him know how I’m feeling but omg is very hard not to scream at times. I have all the trust in the world for him I know he is not cheating or anything like that so have no reason whatsoever to feel this way. Several times I have decided to end the relationship rather than feel this way, am close to it but love him so very much, feeling like this though is not fair to him or to me.
I have had separation anxiety my whole life. I had it as a child and still suffer from it as an adult. I was not given a diagnosis until a few years ago.
My separation anxiety has gotten better over the years. It used to be if a loved one so much as did something without me, I would be sad and hurt. My parents divorced when I was very young. I had alternating weekends with my dad. It was my mom who raised me. If she did anything without me, I would have a meltdown and be inconsolable. I would become physically ill over it, even in my teen years. She noticed this in me from a very young age, and pretty much didn’t do anything without me.
As an adult, I have more of a handle on it. When my mom goes out of town, I feel the need to check in on her, and have her text me when she gets to her destination.
When a loved one goes out of town, I still have meltdowns, but not as bad as when I was a child. I still cry a lot, and sometimes feel ill, but have not actually got sick about it in a few years. I am able to recognize what I am experiencing, and can calm myself down pretty quick. I have not been able to prevent it all together though.
I did suffer from clinical depression and still suffer with general anxiety.
This really resonates with me. My father left my family when I was 5 and ever since have had ongoing anxiety or depression in one form or another. Now I am with my partner of three years and have constant fear that one of us will leave the other. I am happy to know that this isn’t just general anxiety.
I was battered by my mother and taken off her by social services when I was 5 weeks old. I went to a couple of foster homes but settled in one long term when I was 9 months old. I used to stay with my paternal grandfather every weekend to give the foster parents a break and I had such a lovely bond with him, I really loved him.
Unfortunately, he died just before my fourth birthday and I did not really understand where he had gone. After a few months of not seeing him I began sucking my thumb and wetting the bed and I was terrified of being alone (which is textbook separation anxiety). In order to cope I developed maladaptive behavior patterns which shut everything down, I simply stopped feeling.
In 2003 at age 29 I began working on my emotions in therapy but i was still not aware of the extent to which I was emotionally wounded by being separated from my mother until I had a breakdown in 2007.
Losing my grandfather was simply a recapitulation of the original wound because although he was my grandfather I was bonded to him in a way I should have been bonded to my biological mother. Since then I can see that this missing piece of not being wanted by my mother caused me to internalize much shame, guilt and fear of abandonment as if I had done something wrong and as If I was to blame for my mothers unhappiness and as if I was unworthy of love which in turn caused an existential crisis and anxiety.
Of course I forgive my mother but these patterns that are so deeply embedded in the psyche simply do not change overnight, it takes a lot of work to heal the mind, body ,emotions and spirit, to heal the ancestry, cellular memory and the inner archetypes. I find that I need a lot of support these days and I get the most out of therapists who have experience in dealing with bonding and attachment issues as these seem to be the only people that really get what I am talking about.
I’m 26 and my partner is 35. He has had issues in the past with his fianc??e cheating on him, being thrown out of his parents house for being with her before it then broke down, and was recently divorced from a 9 year relationship. Although I am doing all I can to be supportive and reassuring and I love him with all my soul it never seems to be enough. The UK seems to have no recognition of this as a disorder and I’m so glad it is actually “a thing” I thought perhaps there was something wrong with me and I think so did he for not feeling like he does or that I just don’t love him enough. I have a degree in psychology myself so recognized it was not healthy behavior and I want to do all I can to help him but it is putting a lot of stress on me and sometimes I feel helpless/trapped or just utterly useless. How can I go about getting him help without him feeling like I’m pushing him away or calling him crazy (which is what he’s most likely to interpret it as)?
I’m in a similar situation to your husband – I have separation anxiety, just working it out at the moment but I think it stems from 2 previous partners cheating on me then ending our relationship, and my wife of now 8 years cheated on me 2 years into our relationship, 3 before we got married. Anyway – the point is – I know how your partner feels. The approach I would appreciate would be this: say something to him like: “I really like (or love) you. I’m not going anywhere. But I’m recognizing that the experience you’ve had with your past relationship may have scarred you more than you realize, and the anxiety that you feel for me & attachment for me is going to be unhealthy for us in the long run. I think we should see someone about it so that our relationship doesn’t crumble under that pressure.” Don’t let him get defensive, stay calm, and if he agrees to look into it, look into finding the psych and research it together – doing it for him will make him feel like you’ve done it “behind his back.”
HI Peter. I’m reaching out to a support group as I’m really going through a really really rough time now and I’m feeling extreme loneliness. In a few days, my wife will be leaving for a one week work trip to a country 20 hours flight away. An entirely different timezone on the other side of the globe. I know it’s irrational. It’s only 7 days and she’ll be back. But all those thoughts of harm and safety issues, not being there beside her to protect her, and me being alone in the house and not being able to tell anyone what I’m going thru (no one will understand) is making me lose it. I go through this every time she leaves the country – even for a day. I’m totally fine as long as she’s at home with me. Totally fine when she’s at work. I know she’s a short few minutes drive. Expectingly, this is driving her nuts…. And I’m going nuts and almost cannot hold it together at work simply knowing that in 3 days, she’ll be on a plane for 20 hours – with no possibility of contact with her… And then for the next 7 days after that, she’ll be so far away.
I’m not sure how to cope next week…
I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety with panic attacks and OCD. I used to have night terrors as a teenager, sometimes as an adult. My mom passed away when I was ten years old, I am 30 now. I realized after searching for some kind of solution to my anxiety problems and fears that I know I have this disorder. It is linked to my father, sister and husband; I constantly worry about them and have severe anxiety when separated from them. I know how irrational the thought process can be but once something terrible has happened in your life, such as losing a parent or loved one at such a young age, how to do go back? You know life can change at an instant and the fear is real. But the constant worry and stress is not necessary, and that is the hardest problem to sort out. Is there any books I can buy that anyone recommends for someone to soul search and heal themselves? I am not much for medication. If I am going to beat this fear and finally feel free, I am doing so by my own free will.
I was an only-child. My father had a job that required moving every 3-4 years. My mother and I stayed with “others” while father found new living accommodations. (Mother suffered from separation anxiety, as well…and self-medicated) I, very purposefully and successfully, created a career which insured my independence from relying on anyone. My coping mechanism to Separation Anxiety has always been to isolate myself from anyone that could “abandon” me. I am now understanding why I am still a true loner in my senior years. Anyone else with this experience?
I have had this since I was 7 or 8 with my sister and to this day have it. I have been on medication and have seen people. Nothing ever helped. I mean it’s not as severe as it used to be but it’s still bad. I am now 23.
J, so sorry to hear you have been suffering with separation anxiety for so long but glad to hear it’s getting better. May you continue to see improvements and have a speedy recovery! Thanks for sharing.
It is awful. I remember my mom leaving me at daycare at 2 or 3 years old so vividly and my out of control behavior. Freaking out then running away from the daycare back to my mother (I won). Also they didn’t let me stay, instead I went to work with my mom apparently and watched her cut hair, that I don’t remember was told though. That first separation it is still so clear in my mind, that first memory. Second memory in life was kindergarten years later and again clearly a problem. As a adult every emotional connection that is dear to my heart has such a huge anxiety attached to it makes me both anxiety and then depressed. I even get physically sick in the mornings and it lasts for so long. I exhaust the people l love the most when they leave that it actually pushes them away more. Staying in bad relationships is another problem, to let go of the emotional connection is so hard even if it is toxic. I find myself now almost afraid to invest emotionally because I know what happens when a relationship ends. It’s so odd too, it’s not just women, it’s guy friends who have moved away and my kids when they are gone. It’s all emotion disconnects that drain the life and happiness from me. Good read and if there is a switch like most people have it sure would make life easier.
Thanks for sharing John. I too have the same memories of being left at daycare and then lost in the mall. I was in panic then and it never got better. My parents were very religious and my dad told me about the rapture in revelation at a young age and I wouldn’t let my parents leave me alone for several years because I was afraid that god would take them and leave me behind. the times i was alone were unbearable panic that only subsided when I worked myself to exhaustion. it was totally irrational but it was very very real to me at that time. I am sitting here now after my wife just told me she wants to move out and I am beginning to feel it all over again. Its really crippling and helpless feeling. I know that its irrational, there are people who love me, who care but I wonder if Ill ever feel stable, confident on my own. That’s what i really want more then anything. I hope everyone is able to get to that point of self reliance. stay strong everyone.
John. Sometimes we teach ourselves that we must have deserved to be “abandoned.” After all we trusted our parents to do the right things. Try listening to this meditation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8e4sATalz8
John, thanks for sharing your story with us! Hope you find happiness and get to feeling less anxious soon!
I saw this was written a while ago, but I am so glad that I found this article. My husband of 11 years, whom I have been with for 16 years, has just gone to rehab. A 30 day stay has turned into a 41 day stay. I have been trying to have him get help for his alcoholism for 8 years. We have 3 beautiful children and his drinking was tearing our family apart. We have never been apart for more than 5 days in 16 years. I am so embarrassed. I am crying constantly. Nightmares all night. I feel like I am having a 24 hour a day panic attack. This is not normal. I normally suffer from anxiety/panic attacks, and have medication to help me sleep, but with the nightmares it makes it even worse. I’m thinking about going to my Dr., but I am so embarrassed. I just want to turn it off. How am I ever going to get through another 26 days like this? I have always been my children’s strong rock, having them see my like this is awful.
Beanie, I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling this way but glad to know your husband is seeking help. You should definitely talk to your doctor about your separation anxiety and don’t worry about being embarrassed, it’s completely normal to feel that way! I can only imagine how difficult it must be but stay strong and know there are better days ahead. Hope this article was able to help you and we hope your family is on the path to recovery soon!
I have have been with my fiancee for well over a year now and every time she makes plans to do things without me I get sick to my stomach, dizzy, and it puts me generally in crummy mood even though I know she isn’t doing anything wrong. I have even thrown up a few times when she has left. I thought the feeling would get better as time goes on but so far it hasn’t. I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone. Every time other than work when we a separated I just don’t feel like myself. It just makes me extremely quiet and unmotivated for the day when I know she will be away from me for even a few hours. I have talked to her about this and she understands but I sometimes feel it puts a strain on the both of us that is not needed. I have tried keeping busy while she is gone which helps pass the time by quicker but it doesn’t ease the pain. It even happens sometime a day before she even has plans to leave. Sometimes I even get sick to my stomach when she is gone just a few minutes to the store. I need some guidance to help me get over this.
I feel exactly this way as well. My husband and I have only been married a few months, and it has been hard on us. No one seems to understand it either. He tries to, but I can’t even understand it so how could he.
Thank you for posting this. This is exactly how I feel when my fiance leaves or does anything without me. I don’t feel so alone anymore. It is a constant struggle for me to try and push through the anxiety so that I don’t hold him back from life, and trying to cope with feeling selfish for wanting him to stay with me all the time so that I don’t have to cope with the pains and fears and anxiety. I often wonder “Why can’t I just be normal?” It hurts.
I am currently living in this kind of situation right now. It’s true, why can’t I be just normal? Why should I need to always think that my boyfriend will soon leave me. I got this disorder when he needs to study miles away from me. I think our long distance relationship triggered this disorder.
Joseph, so sorry to hear you are feeling this way! Perhaps you could seek out a counselor or a support group in your area? Having a professional help or others who are also going through what you are might be something worthwhile to improve your separation anxiety. There are also lots of books on the topic perhaps you can check one out from your local library too with some tips on how to cope. Hope you get to feeling better soon!
I haven’t been diagnosed. I’m embarrassed to say I have separation anxiety for my little sister. She’s 19, I’m 23. I get extremely depressed whenever she leaves for school, or for the night to stay at her boyfriends house. She’s lived with me ever since she was 14. From my parents’ house, to my first apartment, to where we live now with my fianc?? & son. I’ve never really experienced this sadness until just recently. I don’t know how to fix it. & I don’t want anyone to know. :/
I’ve felt horrible for a while thinking I’m being clingy, attached and a pansy. I love the woman I’m with. So much. I adore her. But I can’t be without her. I was alone before her and OK. But now I’m crippled with the fear of it. I’m scared, terrified and can’t function without her. It’s horrible.
I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared for besides my 2 older children. At 35, I’ve lost both parents, grandparents and little sister. It’s left me alone and scared to death. I need help. I can’t lose this woman. I want to die when she’s gone. I honestly do. And I consider it very strongly. With her, I’m a rock for our family. I work hard, love her with all my heart and do all I can to make her smile. I’m a mess without her. I fear it. I don’t know what to do.
Shayne, so sorry to hear you are feeling this way! Please seek professional help if need be and reach out to resources in your community in addition to online that can help. Be strong and know that you are loved! Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in your path to recovery!
Lol and I just thought I was obsessed. It does feel kinda nice that at least I see I’m not the only one who acts like this. I met my husband when I was 15 in school and have been leached to him ever since. Lots of separation in between. As a kid I was obsessed I couldn’t spend enough time with him I used to ask him why he doesn’t want to spend 24/7 with me. I drove him nuts he pushed away I’d push closer. He was a cheater big time then so when he’d leave me for other girls oh boy. I threatened lives, stalked, went to the nut house, tried suicide. Those were awful times of my life without him I felt dead inside and I was begging him to save me. Ididn’t even know how to save me. Well 14 years later, therapy, two kids, 4 houses, severe drug abuse wrecked personal relationships were still trying he’s still my world I’m still insanely dependent on him for my happiness. I even feed off his moods when he hurts I hurt if he’s worrying. I’m not at peace he’s more patient now with me then In the past and I’m less jealous then in the past. I hope my story helps some relate and Thank you to those who shared and to who wrote this article. Good luck to everyone.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Thanks for this article and the comments. It turned on a light for me. I think I started having adult SAD sometime after when my ex of 28 years left me someone else. Thus I seem to need the constant reassurance from my new partner. My new partner’s works schedule means for a few months I only get to see her once a week or less. I found it hard to go from full time to part time, and then had an anxiety attack (fight or flight feeling), and walked out on her. I feel awful, so I am trying to sort this out, and hope I can repair my relationship. I saw one doc, and I have psychologists who specializes in anxiety to visit next week. Wish me luck in my recovery and relationship.
Hello. I’ve learned that meditation is another great form of therapy. This YouTube channel has helped me a lot. https://www.youtube.com/user/TheHonestGuys/videos
Thanks for sharing Nemo, glad you have found this channel and meditation to be a great solution for your separation anxiety.
So glad to hear you are feeling better and seeking help! Best wishes to you in the continued path to recovery.
I just miss a friend so much, they live on the other side of the country. I am always thinking of them. Sometimes it interferes with life day to day. Could this be separation anxiety?
Emmaline, yes that could be a minor form of separation anxiety, it’s natural to feel lonely having a loved one far away from you. Perhaps you could try Skyping with them or emailing your friend? If your daily thoughts start to become more intense or interfere with your work or life please seek an experienced professional like a doctor. Hope you get to feeling better soon!
Great to read this and not feel so alone, my wife went through therapy two years ago, since then she has grown immensely. The thing was I was always her rock, and I never appreciated that she was as much mine. Last weekend we reached a crisis point as she has sought freedom to explore herself and I have tried to control her more and more. I have reached out for help and am waiting on a consultation. However even though I think that ASAD is one of my issues, I am still struggling to cope with the symptoms. Even more so now that I have come clean and she is fully aware of the manipulating and control I have been exerting… I just hope we can work through this and I guess that’s the fear I have to face. But it’s a fear that seems imesurable at the moment.
Sorry to hear you are so sad but glad this article could help you feel less alone and that you are taking advantage of the many resources available to treat your symptoms. Coping with anxiety of any kind is never easy but there are ways to overcome it and we hope you and your wife can get through this together.
I’m going through a really rough time. My anxiety has been constant for 3 days and I feel helpless regarding some things in my life that are caused by separation anxiety. I experienced my first loss of my father when I was 3. I have tried contacting help yesterday. I live in Toronto and don’t know where to go, who to ask. It’s around Christmas time and I can’t find anyone available to speak to like therapists.
I hope you got through this awful episode ok and I’m sorry I did not see your post sooner.
I am currently receiving email support from a lady called Paige Bartholomew which helps me to feel connected and safe. She has experience in helping people with anxiety issues and I can highly recommend you visit her website. You may have to open up a bit to her for a good connection but it’s well worth it to feel secure. In the meantime don’t let the anxiety go on for too long before getting help to get calm. Best wishes.
Akshida, so sorry to hear you are experiencing pain and suffering at this time in your life. Especially around the holidays. Have you tried contacting the mental health crisis line at 1-888-893-8333 or the Canadian Mental Health Association Toronto Branch at (416) 789-9079? Maybe start there and if anything please reach out to friends and loved ones who can be there for you in times of need. Communities like this are also a good place to go to find more information and communities of others. We wish you the best of luck in your healing process and hope you get to feeling better soon!
My dad passed away when I was 3 years old, I’m 22 now and only recently found out that I had been diagnosed with separation anxiety as a toddler.
Reading this article and being told that I once had SAD explains a lot of things from my early teen years to this very day. I now know what it is that I’m experiencing and I know what I need to fix. I’ve been seeing a professional over the last few weeks but haven’t known what to say or do. But after reading this article I have a much better understanding of where I am.
I can also see things from the other side, from the loved ones side that I’ve pushed away time and time again with my neediness and clingy-ness. Thank you. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted.
Andrew, sorry to hear about your father but glad to hear this article helped you find clarity about your situation. Thanks for reading and sharing your experience with us! Best wishes to you.
Erian, so sorry to hear about your husband’s infidelity. That is not an easy situation to be in so we feel for you. But, glad to hear you found someone who can help you repair your relationship and hopefully your family is well on its way to a better place than it was before! Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story with us.
I’m 21 years old and I was just diagnosed. I am happy to see it’s been touched on because when I realized what it meant I realized that I have seen it in many people, including my closest friend. I wish mental disorders did not have the stigma they do. It’s so sad to see so many people struggle to open up, let go and just be happy. But it was seen as “insane” or “crazy” at 16. I was sent away from my home to receive treatment. For someone with separation anxiety, this just reinforced how much nobody loved me. So I have been suffering for years with major anxiety. I was not able to love properly for fear and what felt like certainty that no one truly loved me. There was no way. Why would they? Living with this disorder causes so much confusion and pain. And I’m not going to lie, the healing process hurts like a bitch. You have to reopen every scar, face it, and come to peace with it. I am still working on this and only have been doing so for 2 weeks. I already see a change. An amazing one. I can see happiness just down the road.
Good luck to you all! You can do it.
And know that I love you!
My thoughts mirror yours exactly, to the tee, wish you the best I know where your coming from.
Thank you so much for being brave and talking about this. It helps to know others go through this too. What do you mean by come to peace with the wounds? I’ve retraced my steps realized why I have separation anxiety but it’s worse now that I’ve opened the wounds. I’ve fallen into a deep depression knowing I used people for comfort from my anxiety. And food. Does anybody else feel their anxiety in their chest and stomach?
Sherries, so sorry to hear you are experiencing separation anxiety and feeling anxiety. Please see a doctor and seek a professional’s help if you need some additional support overcoming your depression. Thanks for reading and hopefully you will get to feeling better soon!
Thank you for your honesty – it can help others who are suffering too. You are a brave person and we wish you every happiness you deserve.
I’m really struggling and feel that this best describes what I am going through. I’m worried about speaking to a doctor as they just seem to give me more pills and send me on my way but I need to talk and need ways to help me not be so reliant on my friend.
I feel the same way I’m tired of reaching out to friends and family. It’s like they listen but they don’t understand. It’s like I’m drowning screaming for help but everyone just watching. I want professional help but I’m afraid of depending on medication as well but it’s a risk we need to take if we want to get better. I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety in late 2009 after reading this it makes more sense of how I really feel. Truth is I didn’t stay on my medication like i should of and it’s only gotten worse.
Likewise, I cannot help but feel completely depressed when my wife leaves the country for work. I become a total wreck. No one understands and she’s leaving in just a couple days for a week. I have no idea how to cope and the feeling of extreme loneliness has already set in and she hasn’t even left. What’s worse is that she’ll be on a long 20 hour flight. The fear of losing her to harm or safety issues is so overwhelming. And the feeling that she’s in a whole opposite timezone is debilitating…And I have no support group, family and friends would surely never understand. And moreover there’s the gender thing where a man can’t seem weak or soft.
I dont know how to get out of this, and it’s affecting my work already. I’ve been like that for years everytime she leaves the country for work.
I hope you are feeling better, and if you are, please share your tips! The same thing is happening to me when my husband leaves. I don’t know what to do.
I have to chime in here from the other end! I am so grateful I found this post. I’m an actor who started traveling more for work this past year. I was fine on a four day gig where I worked 3 of the 4 days, but then booked a project a four hour flight away from home (which is nothing compared to half way around the world!) but I had A LOT of downtime in between shooting days. Leading up to that trip I was crippled by anxiety, so severe I had the shakes, nausea, felt like I was going to die. My husband had no idea what to do with me! Which only terrified me further to see how scared he was with my physical reaction. (I should note we have been together for 20 years – high school sweethearts) my father and my husband came with me to take me to the airport, I was grey – no lie, my whole body was on shut down. Had security not taken so long- that I almost missed my flight but couldn’t think about it because I was breathless from running one end to the other of the airport I may not have gotten on. My mother had to fly in to stay with me because after a week, I was still inconsolable, and now on a complete lack of sleep and nutrition and my family became extremely worried about my health as I have never been like this before, I’m a seemingly independent person. I made it through, was RELIEVED beyond words to be home – but while working I was completely normal – it was the down times that were AWFUL! I have a more frequent flying job now, but an hour flight away from home. I’ve been away three times so far in the past two weeks, first time I came with my husband and I was fine – we drove out, had an adventure, worked and enjoyed myself thoroughly. The next time I flew out, was only gone three days and was completely fine. This last time (and I’m still away) is for 9 days and my first night here I woke up in a sweat, my stomach turning, total bout of anxiety. What the heck happened? I’m assuming its a time thing, having downtime (so too much time to think) and the flights have been rather rocky and I feel like I’m blending that in (which I never had a problem with flying before) as an excuse to not want to leave home. I love what I do so much but having problems being away from home I’m starting to feel like my fear is going to get in the way of opportunities. I just vented, didn’t really offer any suggestions, (sorry) but wonder if anyone else has similar circumstances and reactions/ feelings?
How are you feeling now? The SAME thing has happened to me! I have been with my husband 20 years (also high school sweethearts) and I am normally a very independent person. My husband was going to travel for a few days to see his family and I completely broke down and he could not leave. It’s not like he hasn’t left before, but I am starting to get increasingly anxious about it now for some strange reason. I couldn’t function, I couldn’t eat anything at all, and I am still very anxious and he is here. I know he has to go soon, so I am now seeing a therapist to try to get help. I don’t know what is going on.
Lorry, so sorry to hear you feel sad and/or alone. There are definitely others out there who can empathize with you and support you. Group therapy is a solution in addition to seeking spiritual guidance or a medical professional for help. Hope you get to feeling better and are on the path to recovery soon!
Just been diagnosed…and after reading the article on this subject it finally now all makes sense to me …I’m 44 years old and felt like this since my mother left my sister and I at the age of 4 and 2.